Helping vs Enabling: Which One Are You Doing?

However, several verses discourage enabling behaviors because they are unhealthy and do not benefit the individual in any way. Rather, they hinder the individual and prevent them from facing the consequences of their actions. Enabling involves protecting a person from consequences, while supporting empowers them to take active steps in their recovery. Supporting encourages positive change, while enabling reinforces unhealthy behaviors.

• Enabling can look like helping, but it ends up being the opposite.
• Are you having difficulty figuring out whether you’re helping or enabling a loved one?
• It may lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and burnout.
• Your initial support helped get us here and bolstered our newsroom, which kept us strong during uncertain times.
• Clearly communicate your expectations, limitations, and consequences while maintaining empathy and understanding.

At Spring2Life Recovery, we provide compassionate and Christ-centered addiction recovery services to help individuals overcome their struggles. Understanding the balance between helping vs enabling is key to breaking free from codependency and addiction. Our approach empowers you to discover your purpose in life while restoring and strengthening your faith in God and Jesus. Enabling, on the other hand, is when someone does something for a loved one that the loved one should or could do themselves. For instance, a parent pays their adult child’s bills because they got fired. Enablers frequently make excuses for the bad behavior of a loved one.

Early Intervention for Recovery

Your loved one may end up resenting you in the end for not providing them with the skills, resources, or opportunities to improve their life. Today, I’ll explain the difference between helping vs enabling and give examples. I’ll also discuss some of the consequences of enabling someone and provide tips on how to stop this behavior. She offered some questions that can be helpful to ask yourself if you think your support might’ve crossed over into enabling territory. One is help vs enable if there’s part of you that’s starting to resent your loved one because you’re constantly putting their needs above your own.

In addition, loving thy neighbor also means allowing loved ones to suffer the consequences of their addiction to encourage change. So, if they lose their job, can’t afford to pay their bills, or have other problems, someone can establish boundaries or encourage professional faith-based treatment without enabling them. These verses remind us of the critical distinction between enabling vs helping.

Understanding Enabling Behavior

So if you really care for someone, you need to make sure that you are helping and not enabling them. Unfortunately, no matter how good our intentions are, there are times when helping someone is actually not helping them. Sometimes we just wake up and realize that our actions are doing the exact opposite of our intentions.

You can offer advice, prepare a meal, lend a hand, or simply listen. Helping is undoubtedly positive, but it can sometimes lead to enabling. It depends on the situation and the relationship between the helper and the person being helped. In general, though, it is important to respect the other person’s autonomy and not to force help on them. If they are resistant to help or seem unable to take advantage of it, it may be time to stop. Ultimately, it is up to the helper to decide when their assistance is no longer needed or desired.

Treatment Programs

On the surface, that may seem like a stupid question, “I’m doing it for them, of course! Are you doing it because you don’t want to appear like you don’t care? Not that there’s anything wrong with doing things for yourself, it’s just important to recognize the difference between helping someone and doing something because it’s helping you feel better.

Your friend or family member may thank you later for assisting them in creating a productive life on their own. The more I enabled them, the angrier I became, although I was the one tolerating poor treatment. I had to draw the line and stop giving what seemed like infinite chances. Problem-solving is a great life skill to have and can be taught to a child or an adult.

Making excuses for someone.

It can perpetuate a cycle of dependence and hinder individuals from developing the necessary skills to overcome challenges 2. There’s a fine line between helping and enabling; it can sometimes be difficult to know which side of the line you’re on. You have to pay close attention to understand if your well-intentioned behavior supports or harms your loved one’s chances of recovery. Furthermore, enabling can take a toll on the mental and emotional well-being of the person providing support. It may lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and burnout.

• Society often sends confusing messages about what it means to be a good family member or friend.
• She recommended working with a therapist to change these patterns and explore how they developed in the first place.
• These boundaries may include rules against drug or alcohol use, financial support for substances, lying, and abusive behaviors.
• Caring for someone with a mental health or drug problem is difficult.
• It was his turn and I had no intention of enabling him to shirk his responsibility.

Letting people do things on their own teaches them about responsibility and how to stand on their own. But if you’re always there to do things for them, you’re robbing them of the opportunity to grow up and do things most adults do. But what most of us fail to realize is that giving them a free pass to bad behavior is actually enabling them. It makes them think that what they’re doing is okay and may even encourage them to do something worse. In the dictionary, helping is defined as making it easier for someone to do something by offering one’s services or resources. If you can work and earn money to take care of yourself, why would you allow someone else to enjoy the fruits of your labor for free?

Helping vs. Enabling: What’s the Difference?

Admitting that your loved one has a behavioral problem isn’t easy. A good example of this is turning a blind eye to a partner or family member who’s abusing alcohol or doing drugs. Instead of confronting them, you just shrug your shoulders and let it go.

Giving monetary support now and then is okay if they’re having financial difficulties. Do not provide money for them to spend on gambling, drinking, drugs, impulsive shopping, or other harmful vices. Offer to teach them how to manage their money and increase financial independence. Creating boundaries is vital in close relationships as it lets family and friends know what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. What’s more important is enforcing your boundaries by setting consequences for boundary violations. Are you having difficulty figuring out whether you’re helping or enabling a loved one?

By recognizing the signs of enabling behavior, individuals can take important steps towards breaking the cycle and engaging in more supportive and empowering behaviors. Understanding the difference between enabling and helping is crucial in fostering healthier relationships. While enabling behaviors may stem from a place of love and concern, they inadvertently perpetuate negative behaviors and hinder personal growth. Conversely, helping behaviors promote self-reliance, personal growth, and healthier relationship dynamics. The first step in overcoming enabling behavior is acknowledging its presence. It can be difficult to recognize and accept that our actions may be enabling harmful behaviors in our loved ones.

Anahit Manukyan

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